


Little Boys Fightin'

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 2- Dribs and Drabs [5]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Estrangement, F/M, Infidelity, Marriage, Unbreakable, Very Bad Thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 23:17:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9095026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: Gap filler S2 Episode10--Demelza's thoughts after Ross comes back bloody (again) from Trenwith.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just another whim....I felt so many feelings were unsaid and lingering out there.

"What it is to be married to such a great man."  

Sarcasm was dripping from her and as she turned away from him focusing again on her corset, Ross stood still, unable to refute her feelings and so left. Demelza kept her head down until she heard the door close. It was only then that she dropped to the bed, the corset and bitterness forgotten as she let out a sob. It was as if someone had hit her in the stomach, the ache was so deep. _When will this feeling end?_ she thought.

When Ross had entered the bedroom only moments earlier--something he hadn’t done since the incident with Elizabeth--she was angry. Not because of his presence but because once again he had gotten into a scrape with George, most likely over Elizabeth or so she thought. It was only when he mentioned that something offensive was said about someone else that she realized the comment must have been about her and that her currently estranged husband actually fought for _her_ honor this time. That realization warmed a small part of her heart, melting the ice she had wrapped it in. That was until he mentioned going to war and leaving her and Jeremy.

At that revelation, she couldn’t hold her tongue and the stinging comments about Elizabeth, honesty and saving everyone but those who should be important to him, came streaming out of her mouth. The words were out before she could stop them and now she couldn’t and wouldn’t take them back. She was right about one thing and that was that Ross was not being honest to anyone in this triangular relationship.

The last thing Demelza wanted was for him to go back to see Elizabeth. Her greatest fear, if she were honest with herself would be that one nod or crook of her rival’s delicate finger would have Ross defying convention and sweeping the new Mrs. Warleggan away to live in adulterous bliss. Logically she knew that would not be the case, but her husband seemed to thrive on recklessness so why would this situation be any different.

As for honesty between themselves, they touched on that when they fought on the beach after the Bodrugan party where her attempt at revenge had failed miserably. In hindsight she was grateful for that but even more disheartened because it proved her connection to Ross Poldark was unbreakable. This made his admission that he wanted her but he couldn’t say that he _didn’t_ want Elizabeth, even more painful. It was at that moment that Demelza decided not to be his “second best” and to go on with her life as she needed to for her son. Yes, they lived in the same house, but were far from together. She could not and would not accept his indecisiveness as just another Poldark trait to wait out. She’d rather be told the truth, deal with the hurt and move on. But Ross couldn’t do that because it would mean actually facing what he had done and dealing with repercussions, whatever those might be.

As she continued to undress, Demelza looked at the empty side of the bed and suddenly felt so alone. Until this happened she had not slept in this bedroom without him since that fateful night of Jim Carter’s conviction.  That turn of events changed their relationship and laid the groundwork for everything that followed in their lives. With Ross’s betrayal she felt that she had not only lost a husband, father for her child and lover, but her one true friend. Over the past 10 years they had shared so much that to face a future without him was unthinkable. But not impossible she thought.

Slipping under the covers into the cold sheets, she could not get warm. She rolled to her side, stretching her arm out to graze the pillow that remained and let the silent tears fall. Up until that moment she had not let herself cry. Now, with the uncertainty of what her husband wanted and the threat that he would leave her not for a woman but for a war where he would most likely be killed, the sadness flowed. And she let it but she wasn’t sure why. For in the great scheme of things this was nowhere near as painful as losing Julia. If she analyzed it she could say that their daughter’s death was the turning point for everything else. But she would not blame her darling daughter, or the events that ensued on their tragedy.

No. This was entirely the fault of Ross as instigated by Elizabeth. Perhaps she should have spoken up sooner when she suspected George of being more than just a passing friend to the Widow Poldark. Or maybe she should have voiced her objections to his unending visits to Trenwith after Francis’ death. She knows she should have asked what went on during those visits but in those instances it _was_ her pride that kept her from doing what her heart wanted. That doesn’t excuse what he let happen or his behavior immediately after. One thing she is not sorry about and that is Elizabeth’s current status. She’s glad she married George and that the breech between the houses is even more defined. Perhaps now she will leave her husband alone.

An ironic thought if Ross decided he didn’t want to be her husband anymore. Demelza contemplated this as lay motionless under the covers. Had he made a choice and since Elizabeth was once again unattainable, would he use war as an excuse to leave her? And if that was the case, what would she feel?

It was clear that her heart, no matter how damaged and broken, would always be his; no matter if he left or she, there would never be anyone else for her. That decision was made once the blue satin dress hit the floor. And some piece of her mindset knew that it was the same for him. She had lived with this man for a decade and had seen many sides of him. While she knew that Elizabeth controlled a part of him with the invisible ties she insisted on holding, Demelza also believed that something damaged those ties after that horrible night. She wasn’t quite sure what it was exactly, but Ross’s attempts to cajole her and make amends, however weak, indicated that he was not still obsessed with Elizabeth.

If that was the case, then why could he not come to terms with his feelings and put them all out of their misery? Surely it was better than living in this unknown torment. Or could it be that he was the one afraid of losing something, more so than she? Was that the reason? For all his bravado and seemingly distant demeanor about the events of May 9th, was Ross Poldark truly afraid something? He didn’t seem too upset at losing Elizabeth to George now that they were married. But could he be afraid of losing her?

Demelza rolled onto to her back and stared at the canopy above. Could the feelings she felt about losing him be mirrored in her husband? She wondered how he would react if he found out about her dalliance with Captain McNeil. It was not a proud moment for her so she was not eager to share and yet, she wanted to see the hurt and pain on his face at finding out that she might have done the same as he. And would he be glad or upset that she did what he could not and that was resist temptation and stay true to her vows. Knowing Ross as she did, she was sure he would be upset that Demelza was the better person in the same situation, which would anger him more than the actual act of infidelity. That act he could combat with going after McNeil or saying they’d evened the score and they could move on.

All these thoughts started to run over each other in her head as she closed her eyes to sleep. Her weary body gave in after several minutes and she drifted into slumber, dreaming of how things were only a year ago and wishing she could turn back the clock to a time when poverty was their only struggle and their love was enough to sustain them through any storm.

Now she wished that the tempest would pass so that she could find the clear way to resolution. And she wondered if he dreamt about that too.

**Author's Note:**

> Just another whim of writing that came to me after watching the episode with commentary.   
> Please indulge these as I think there are more on the horizon.
> 
> So read, enjoy and comment.


End file.
